"Listen to me, your body is not a temple. Temples can be destroyed and desecrated. Your body is a forest—thick canopies of maple trees and sweet scented wildflowers sprouting in the under wood. You will grow back, over and over, no matter how badly you are devastated."- Beau Taplin (via quotethat)
have you ever just assumed that a word was pronounced a certain way and you end up pronouncing it incorrectly throughout your entire life and then one day someone corrects you and its like you can almost hear satan laughing as the flames of hell begin to seep up from underground and slowly burn you to death
So I got a detention today.
Which is kinda dumb because I’m (mostly) a model student, you know? And get this - Heres what Im in for: I said…*whispers* a swear word in class. 60 minutes of punishment for the phrase: “That’s really shitty.”
So this is how it went down: I’m sitting in math class last hour before break and my teacher hands me a little slip saying that i gotta go see the vice principal. And im thinking, “damn, i thought she forgot about that.” The horrible cuss word was uttered a few days beforehand and, well, i figured she didnt even remember. I walk down there (in my full-body cat kigurumi btw) and mrs. Whatever isnt there. So i mull around and steal a candy cane off the offices mini fake tree (Im already in trouble anyways so gotta go big or go home) until finally, i talk to the desk lady who calls the vice principal down. We walk into the room and start to have a chat about how our high school doesnt tolerate swears bluh bluh etc and that i should find alternatives to cussing. Thats where this picture comes in. This lady just fucking WHIPS this goddamn list out of nowhere and shows it to me in a completely serious manner. “Heres some examples of words you can use when you want to swear.” W H A T.
And here she is in all seriousness and im trying not to laugh while asking if i can have a photocopy because this is actual comedic GOLD. This sort of phooey doesnt actually happen in real life, right? I mean holy snappin turtles what the frog is this Skikaka? Jumpin Jiminy, Public school is bogus!
what the William Shatner is going on here?!
I approve of these so hard
"Well doesn’t that just bruise your banana"
I use at least half of these around my family
"Oh for the love of Barbara Streisand."
I dunno what you’re going on about. This is actually pretty useful.
I still use this as an Equius RP referance
Perfect Jake rp ref
I actually use Merlin’s Beard
I have known you for over a year and never have I heard you say Merlin’s Beard
You think I use it in public?! I don’t want people knowing I’m a witch! C’mon Molly get with it!
my ad for beauty products
girls putting makeup on like warpaint and kicking people in the face
old ladies wearing eyeshadow and getting flocked by hunks who carry them away and crown them queens of their own country
girls putting on makeup and then just sitting and eating doritos in front of the computer all day because fuck it that shits for you
ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN PLINKY-PLONKY MUSIC AND EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AND BEING CONDESCENDED TO
have u ever had a depersonalization moment when you look at yourself in the mirror and think wow this person is me and i have this body and this life and everything feels so strange why am i me and not someone else
YES OTHER PEOPLE FEEL IT TOO
it’s a symptom of anxiety
This happens to me a lot and it’s really jarring.